The Negotiations Failed…

Seeing my friend Madeley‘s retweet and additional commentary:

I followed up with a few more to round out the story… (included here sans @-replies…)

Shot transitions through scenes of empty stores, shuttered offices… Focuses in on a drunk guy in a Union Flag suit by Parliament.

The focus tightens to the man’s face… It’s revealed to be a bedraggled, bearded Nigel Farage.

He’s startled from his stupor… Turns to the camera and says “Oh! Welcome! Welcome to the glorious and independent Britain!”

His hand gestures across the skyline… Smoke wafts across the sky, as screams are heard in the distance

He struggles… As if trying to remember something… “OH YES! We start here at the home of Democracy!” pointing to Parliament

The shot pans across the grounds… No sign of anyone… A cat stalks some pigeons

He stares at you… “Did you bring food?” he asks… “we’re waiting for a trade deal to kick in, so we’re all on a national diet”

The camera pans out, transitional shots of the narrator and Nigel walking up Whitehall, past a shuttered McDonald’s

He stares wistfully through the window… “The US told us we’d be better off without these, they were right…”

The walk continues… past an ocean of detritus in Trafalgar Square. Empty shells of shops on Regents Street

“Ah! My favourite store!” he cries… running to a kiosk selling tourist tat. The stall holder looks forlorn…

At this point, Madeley implores me to stop…

So I decided to finish off the story here…

Efforts to engage the store-holder in conversation fail, his eyes are hollow and empty. Nigel seems not to notice

“Good stock today Chris! Jolly good stuff!” as he moves a grimy model of Westminster, and a broken snow globe of Buckingham Palace

The tour wanders on. We arrive at the British Museum. Nigel seems upset, mutters about “so called experts”. He bristles when I suggest wander in, but relents and we go inside.
Tattered posters and glass litter the floor.

“The ‘experts’ tried to tell us how to safeguard the exhibits” he scoffs “that we shouldn’t touch things”

“So obviously, they had to go… but they sabotaged everything… all the ancient things broke when we played with them”.

The shot transitions outside, as we watch the narrator and Nigel wander through more streets. A sequence of shots where the narrator tries and fails to engage passers by. They appear catatonic. “Marvellous, isn’t it? The city is burbling with witty English banter! We’re renowned for it!” after several unsuccessful attempts.

The loop ends back at Parliament. Shot tightens on Nigel’s face. He seems disappointed. “You won’t forget about us, will you?”

Fade to black.

About bryn

Gîc Cymraeg Defnyddiwr Mac Podledwr a ffotograffydd Welsh geek, Mac user, Podcaster and Photographer
This entry was posted in fun, story, Twitter, web and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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